Usually I write to you for your ‘month birthdays’. I talk about how much you’ve grown, and all the things you can do that you couldn’t do before. I chart your development and talk about the big moments in your life.
But sometimes I get so caught up on facts and milestone, that I forget to tell you something. How much I love you.
The way I love you in the early hours of the morning, when we hear the rhythmic thumps from your room and we know that you’re a) awake, b) exploring all four corners of your cot, and c) hungry. The way you snuggle into me when you feed, moving quicker than you ever do during the daytime. How you smile at us when you wake up properly, and you reach out to touch both me and your father, to reassure yourself that both of us are there.
I love the way you explore the world around you. You spent a good ten minutes yesterday, rolling back and forward between your father and myself, trying to work out that Daddy has hair above his lips and Mummy doesn’t. The way you’ll spend ages with a new toy, rolling it over, tasting it, listening to it, to make sure you’re satisfied with it. You’re so proud of your new discoveries – like the way you realised that kicking your feet on the lino made a different sound to kicking your feet on the carpet.
I love the afternoons and evenings, when we play giant games of peek-a-boo, and you laugh every time you see me, like I’m the funniest thing you’ve ever seen in the world. You work out ways to keep me in your sight when I cook dinner, rolling and squirming around until you get in just the right position to watch me. You go out of your way to watch other people too, and I love the way you make other people happy by smiling at them.
I love your round little head, and your perfect little ears, and the way your eyes flutter closed when you fall asleep feeding. I love how expressive your hands are – exploring, grabbing, waving in the air, stoking my skin, curled up while you sleep. I love your round little belly and your chubby arms and legs. I love that your legs manage to be both chubby and long and they almost never seem to stop moving.
I love you utterly and completely, and I hope you always know that.
With oodles of love